Uh Oh!

No….it’s fine.  You keep the seat.  I was about to leave anyway.  No, I insist…

Dear Agony Aunt

You want to what?!

Please…may I sniff your Klompen Kloggen?  What?  Here, right in front of everyone?  I’ve got my Klompen Kloggen pouched at the moment, but I’ll take it out and roll it between my fingers, before I firmly massage it into that small bowl of yours.  The shank will need to be necked before you bring it to your lips and inhale deeply, because the stem is still a little moist.  Who would have thought that pipe smoking was so complex?  Check out these other retro advertisements at http://kitschcache.wordpress.com

She wants my Klompen Kloggen

Dumb inventions

Check out more dumb inventions at http://kitschcache.wordpress.com

Shower accessory or birth control device?

The breast invention

Time magazine has just published its list of the best inventions for 2009 and includes everything from Tank-bred tuna (no.2) to the AIDS vaccine (no.8).  However, here’s one that didn’t get on the list: 

(drumroll) Ta da! (enthusiastic applause)

Elena Bodnar of Hinsdale, Illinois and colleagues have designed and patented a bra that can be quickly converted into a pair of gas masks, one for the brassiere wearer and one to be given to…..er…..some lucky bystander.

Stereotypical stupidity

Entrenched stereotypical behaviour

Are men really as stupid as women think?  I must admit that I’m not doing us any favours when it comes to disproving the stereotype.  I’ve recently relinquished most of my primary domestic roles and responsibilities in the home – like packing the dishwasher, sorting the recycling and general maintenance duties.  I like to think that the decision was mutual, but the sad truth is I was fired for incompetency.

It seems that, like most other men, I have no idea where anything belongs or how anything works in the house.  A normal scenario goes something like this:

‘Where’s my brain?’ I call out to my wife with increasing frustration.

‘Have you looked in the cupboard’, she responds.

‘Which cupboard?  Do you mean the one in the hallway?  I ask her.

‘That’s not a cupboard!’  Her voice is raised and I can hear her approaching fast.  Frantically, I start haphazardly opening drawers, removing boxes and looking under nearby furniture in vain.  By the time I look up again she is already standing over me with her arms crossed.

‘What are you doing?  It’s there…..right where you left it.  You’ve just forgotten to turn it on again’. 

I pause for a moment……what was I looking for?

Does my ego look big in this?

The national debate on female body image has initiated The Punch to conduct a poll of 100 men, asking them what they think about the female body.  Nearly two-thirds thought women spent far too much time worrying about their appearance – because ‘they are much hotter than they think they are’.

APPEARANCE:

68% said they looked for a pretty face.

8% said great breasts,

8% preferred nice legs, and

16% looked for a perfect fat-free figure.

HAIR, OUTFITS, AND HONESTY:

56% said they immediately noticed if their partner had a new haircut or outfit.

38% said they “eventually” realised.  

6% said they sometimes never realised.

52% of men said they lied when asked whether that skirt made their ass look big.

PORNOGRAPHY:

78% of men said they sometimes looked at it.

74% said porn as harmless provided the women were over 18 and consenting

26% said it was demeaning to women.

15% replied that they regarded porn as demeaning but still looked at it anyway.

What are the lessons learnt from this survey?  Don’t look at your husband’s or boyfriend’s laptop unless you prepared for a surprise.  Don’t bother asking him whether your ass looked big and, just smile – don’t stress out too much over how you think you look.